Dutch Girls ("Final" Version)
(Some personal experiences)Dutch girls awake and start the day as ifIt is the first in history they fillThe place with blonde and milky sounds, they liveLike Hell and get you out of bed they...
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Having known some Dutch girls (though not intimately) this strikes me as humorously apt.Not fond of the inversion in line 4, don't quite understand "to work or anything", and "up to a grade" strikes...
View ArticleRe: Dutch Girls ("Final" Version)
Thanks a lot, Tom. I took your point on 'up to a grade'. I didn't feel good about it myself right from the start.Perhaps you could give Line 4 another try. I used inversion to give 'will' full stress;...
View ArticleRe: Dutch Girls ("Final" Version)
I'll accept the inversion (I figured that's what you were up to), but still found line 7 awkward. Maybe if you said "work or something" (loses the meter) or "work, do anything" it would sound better...
View ArticleRe: Dutch Girls ("Final" Version)
Thanks, Tom. This time you really won me over. I changed 'to work or anything' into: 'to work, do anything'.Yesterday already I changed Line 10. I first had: 'they hang out first and then go nuts',...
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